peer pressure

I think I'm driving boy nuts!

And it's all because my friends are settling down. And fast! They've been together much less than boy and I, and have moved in together and are playing happy families. My boy and I are not. and it kills me. I want that for us. I want to come home to him at night. I want to see him every morning. he says that he won't leave his mum's until he buys a place. and that he won't buy something small, and that he won't buy something old. and that he won't compromise. so really, he is saying he wants to build. which is pricey pricey. so I had a bit of a tizz at him, about when it would ever happen. if ever. i'm so impatient sometimes.

My friend J says that its just that I know what I want, so I go and get it. its gotten me where I am, and its just who I am. but with this whole relationship thing, its not just about me. learning to compromise is a good lesson.

My boy has figured me out though. he knows me. really knows me. knows when to not make a big deal out of my latest tizz, and just take me for a walk, and when to make me talk about it.

I'm so damn lucky, and I think I forget that sometimes. When am I ever going to realise what I really have in him??

He and I had a lovely day on Sunday, and I think if I relaxed and stopped worrying, we'd do that more. but I stress and worry, and I make life so difficult.

Water fights under the hose (i lost. BADLY. note to self - hose defeats water pistol everytime. next time, get the hose, brainiac!) and smooches, cuddles even when its boiling hot, he stays at my place 5 times more often than I stay at his, and he never complains. I feel like I do a lot. but maybe thats because I try to express everything with him. He doesn't say much, I say everything. it eats away at me if I don't, and that is bad bad bad. it will end in tears and disaster.

Patient man that one. I have a lot to learn. he may drive me nuts, but I love him, and i love his way. even when he's late everywhere, and never lets anything faze him. I think I wanna be like him. Mayeb we can bothe teach each other a few things.

I'm so lucky to have him.

and he's lucky to have me - he'd never ever be on time otherwise!