free at last, free at last

apologies to MLK, but i just feel so good today.

about 6 weeks ago, i quit my job, and today was my last day.
and I feel good.

I'm hoping that over the next couple of days, the twitch in my eye will go away.

and then, i will be peaceful. for a few days. and i will clean, and replace my bike battery, and buy some new clothes, and watch Opr@h and D.r Ph.il. and it will be ace.

i'm going to cook the workie a slap up dinner. i might even make him pork if he's lucky. or a whole roast chicken. i don't know, but i want to surprise him, and spoil him, and try somehow in a meal to convey just how special and loved and amazing he makes me feel. that is a lot for one roast chicken to try to live up to, but i'll give it a crack!

and then i start my new job. it is going to be crazy busy, and a lot of people in this town think that i have taken a step backwards, and i disagree and can't wait to start.

woohoo! I think this is the start of good things.

the precipice

i'm getting more and more nervous about my new job.

I was supposed to be starting much later this year, but the other girl who was supposed to start ASAP bailed on the job. after she'd given them written acceptance. don't even get me started on how completely stupid i think she is. talk about burning bridges. holy crap.

she keeps e-mailing and texting me. but i'm kinda mad at her. i can't help it. she's put so many people out, and i find that really frustrating. plus, there were a lot of people who put a lot of time into helping her sort herself out. she kept telling us how she hated her job, so we encouraged her to apply for this new one, and we did everything we could. one girl spent literally hours on the phone to her, and we are all disappointed.

and i think i'm a little frightened. of the change, of the unknown.

see, whenever i tell someone about my new job, the eyebrows raise, they make that funny grunting noise. i'm sure that most of it is pure snobbery. i'm leaving private practice to join the government department. i won't earn as much in the long term. i won't ever become the big boss. i don't know that i really want to be that. certainly not at my age.

but its the precipice. i'm looking, and i'm scared!

News!

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO excited! I quit my job! i am pumped, and slightly terrified all at once! I have got a new job, doing more of the bits that I love, and less of the bits that i don't, all for the government. Woohoo! I'm a public servant!
From what i've heard, the expectations in this job are so much more fabulous than my current job, and i just can't wait! plus, i'm going to be able to stop doing some of the truly crappy bits!
I'm slightly terrified, and that's a good sign i think. i think that it means that this is a decision that is frightening, and exciting. it also means that it is one i have had to think long and hard about.
really, i've been thinking for about 2 years, and waiting for this opportunity to come up again. i didn't do it last time, and i have regretted that for a long time. and now... i just want a start date, so that i can get on with it. plus, i want to try and get a 2 week break between jobs, and so i need to give notice as soon as i can.

ooh, and on the boy front... i think he might be thinking seriously about exciting questions. i hope so. i love this man so much, and i just want to be able to display that in some other way. to show it off more than i do. i want his name. i want him, all the time.

man flu

I have man flu from the workie.

apparently, my requests to please not cough/sneeze all over me were not enough.

so now i'm sick. and he promised to do the dishes to make me feel better today.

but he didn't. so i don't feel good, and there are dishes everywhere.

boo hiss.

oh, and i saw the copper today. made some lame story about wanting to check up on work stuff when he called the workie, and kinda checked in on how much trouble i was in with the workie because of his text. boo hiss to him too.

change is in the wind

well, I don't want to say any thing yet, because i'm not sure if anyone reads this, and i don't want to let the cat out of the bag, but i'm hoping to have exciting news in about 3 weeks.
wow.
i can't believe i sent the application in, let alone that it might actually lead to something.
I think that this is the most exciting thing i've done in ages.
very cool.

in news i can talk far more about, this copper who i was chasing about 12 months ago has been calling. It was the Police and firemans ball on the weekend, and i went with the workie and some other friends. usually the best night of the year, but the band was way to mellow this year, so the dancing sucked and i wasn't nearly as naughty as I have been in the past.

anyways, 'the copper' as he is known didn't go this year. He told me 2 different stories as to why. the first version was that he didn't like the ball. plausible i guess. the second was that he is now under the thumb. more likely in my view.

anyways, we ran into him at one of the pubs after the ball, and it turned out that he was actually working on the night, and said that he would drive us home. taxi's tend to be at a bit of a premium on P&F night, so that was a great option. he gave me his number (in front of the workie and with his knowledge i might add, don't want anyone thinking i'm some crazy hussy!) and i put it in the phone.

We did call him later, and arrangements were made to take my friend home to her place. anyways, i ran into him on tuesday, and he asked why doesn't the workie like me? i said that the workie didn't dislike him, because that is the truth. I think that maybe the workie thinks he's a bit of a tool, but he doesn't dislike him or anything. he sent me a text after that, saying something like 'you're hot' and some crappy work stuff after that. unfortunately for him, it was the workies phone that i had used on Saturday night, and he obviously didn't realise!

lucky for me the workie thinks its hysterical. he is so inspiringly trusting of me, and i love him more for that. he knows i'm only interested in one man, and that is him. accordingly, he thinks its funny, not problematic. yay!

anyways, we didn't send anything back, and so he tried to call me last night... and got the workies message bank. now i would feel kinda bad for him, and i would have set him straight, except that this is a grown man, with a bad track record, who knows i am very happily involved, and has been with the same girl for about 11 months himself! serves him right!

am i right?

i miss my mummy and daddy

my parents are away, they've been gone for 2 months, and won't be back for 2 more, and i miss her.
and not just because there is a huge pile of washing in our laundry.
not just because it was inspection day today and we cleaned our own house. (that was actually really satisfying!)
not because i would like to have some help hanging some stuff around the house.

but because i have a couple of exciting, but huge decisions to make, and I miss them

i love being this age, because i have such a special relationship with them, and i respect their opinions, and they give such good advice, and I could use some reassurance (and maybe a free feed and dad's beer!) and its just not the same on the phone.

i'm excited that they are having fun, and that they aren't waiting to retire to do stuff because i would hate for them to get hit by a bus and miss out on that fun stuff.

but i miss them.

trust

I hate being paranoid.
i hate not really trusting him.

i hate that him telling me "i'm not going anywhere" is not nearly as comforting as I want it to be.

and for that, i blame the ex.

i blame him for these trust issues. because i did trust him, and he dogged me.

i know that the workie is a different man.

I know that the workie is a better man.

but the damage is done, and i don't know how to fix it.